I just wanted to share this with everyone. It's the second story I wrote for a fiction class that parodied various elements from stories in class (the cocaine being a prime example). I originally wanted to include scenes where a location from every story in class got blown up, but the story sort of became its own thing. I just re-read some of my older stuff and this is really head-and-shoulders above the rest. The unusual formatting is due to me copy-pasting it from the original OpenOffice document, by the way. Enjoy!